Obsessions
by misslivdottie
Summary: Lily makes a decision one night that will change her life. She wakes up the next morning horrified, but did she really make the wrong choice?


**(A/N: Everything but this plot belongs to the queen, JK Rowling! Enjoy!)**

My eyes snap open.

The night had been long, filled with laughter and drinks, and I cannot remember what had brought me from that point to this: waking up in a strange, dark place. I can feel the skin of another touching my own, and my heart begins to pound in my chest, nervousness wracking my body. What had happened last night? Why am I here? I blink, trying to rid the fuzziness out of my eyes, and shifted in the bed. The body below me does not move, instead continues to snore softly on. I realize now, this is not James below me. This is not my flat, nor James' home. This is not a place I recognize. Slowly, I move parting ways with the warm body of the stranger. My eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, and I realize that I do, indeed know where I am. The room is familiar to me, though not entirely… I glance around some more, slowly removing myself from the bed. The stranger on the bed shifts, sucking in a breath of air. I know then that he is waking up. I freeze, using my arms to cover my bare body as best as they can.

"Lily?"

The groggy voice of Severus Snape fills my ears, and suddenly the previous night hits me like a Muggle bus. I must have gasped out loud, because suddenly Severus is sitting up, glancing at me almost nervously. There is a ringing in my ears, and my heart pounds in my chest even more so. "Sev?" I ask, my eyes widening. I grab a blanket that has long since fallen from the bed, covering my body with it. I remember now. I had gone home with him. We had both drank too much the night previously, and he asked me to leave with him. I said yes. I had gotten up, taken his hand, and walked out with him. I turn my back to Severus, though I can feel his eyes on me, watching me carefully. "Lily, last night..." His voice rang in my ears, and I shake my head, closing my eyes. The night flashed before my eyes. Walking out of the bar with him, we had been laughing. By the time we got to his house, he was kissing me, and I was kissing him, and his hands… His hands were all over me, and then we moved quickly to the bedroom, where…

"Last night," I repeat, my voice trembling, "We made a mistake-I shouldn't have… I… James…" I choke out, wrapping the blanket tightly around myself. I'm suddenly wracked with guilt. James. I am engaged to marry James, and yet… I find myself standing in the bedroom of Severus Snape, naked, wondering if I am making the right choices. Severus flinches before me, but then turns, standing up, and puts a pair of boxers on to cover himself. I bite my lip and watch him carefully. Had this been a mistake? "A mistake, you say?" His voice takes on a darker tone now, and I stand back, clenching my jaw. "It was not a mistake, Lily. If you did not want to come here, you wouldn't have. You and I both know this." I know he is right, but I don't make any gestures to agree with this. I left the bar with him willingly. I did this willingly. I remember every single moment of everything that happened between us, and it had been… It had been… Beautiful.

But I cannot shake the guilt that is quaking in my bones. He walks over to me and I am shaking my head, willing him not to touch me, but he does. Severus draws me to him, one hand resting on my bare waist, the other on my arm. I glance down at the Dark Mark on his forearm and clench my jaw, eyes not meeting his now. "Severus, stop." I say quietly, pushing at him to take his hands off of me, but he is stronger and does not listen. "You have been mine from the moment I laid eyes on you, Lily Evans," These words anger me. My eyes snap up to meet his fiercely, angrily, but I do not speak because he continues on. "Potter does not deserve you."

"And you think you do?" I asked incredulously, finally pushing his hands from my body. I step aside and grab my clothes, dropping the blanket from my body. Quickly, messily, I start throwing them on myself. "No one owns me, Severus, don't kid yourself, and don't insult me like that." I spit out, raising my head for a moment to glare at him. He just stares back, as calm as ever.

"You and I both know where your allegiances lie, Lily." This just makes me angrier. I pick the blanket up and throw it at him angrily. He does not make any moves to catch it, or pick it up off of the floor when it slides down his body. "They lie with the Order of the Phoenix!" I yell, tears filling my eyes. "They lie with James Potter! They no longer lie with you! They never will!" My hands are shaking. The words that are spilling from my lips, I do not know if they are true or not; not all of them, anyway. Do my allegiances truly lie with James? If they did, I would not have done what I did. I would not have slept with Severus Snape. But my anger is greater than my sense, and I continue screaming. "You and I both know where _your_ allegiances lie, Severus! Not with me, not with _goodness_!" I point at his forearm and look him dead in the eyes. "Your allegiances lie with filth. You disgust me!"

My words do not seem to affect him, or at least he does not show it because the next thing I know, Severus is stepping forward and grabbing me again, pulling me to him and taking my face in his hand, forcing my eyes to meet his. "Let me go, Severus," My voice is dangerously low now, and I try my hardest to move from his grip, but to no avail. "Let me go." I repeat, my jaw setting. He makes no move to do what I ask of him, so I struggle against his body some more, before suddenly he is kissing me, and I am kissing him in return. He presses me against a wall, his hands trailing down my body, touching my skin, setting me on fire once more with passion instead of anger. His lips pull from mine, and I close my eyes as he kisses my neck.

And then reality strikes me. "Severus, we can't." I whisper, closing my eyes tightly to fight off the tears. "I can't." He glances up at me, a bit of a smirk forming on his lips.

"Yes, Lily. Yes we can."


End file.
